A Little Garden Humor

Now where did I put that bone ?

Garden writer David Hobson author of the blog  Garden Humour  has generously allowed me to reprint this funny article of things his readers have found buried in their garden.

THINGS BURIED IN MY GARDEN

A VW hubcap . . . Dibble

Enough old bricks to build a small garden shed . . . Shirl

A little gold ring I lost over 10 years ago in my veggie garden . . . Marilyn

Charred brownies. Apparently my husband tried to cook again . . . Heather

I once made bread which didn't rise. I put the loaves out for the birds but found them later -- my dog thought they were bones and buried them . . . Laurel

False teeth upper plate in very old veggie plot -- probably thrown on garden from garbage pail which old-timers used to do with compost . . . Buffalo Woman

A perfectly shaped heart made of broken glass . . . Kokliko

Really, really large boulders that made great borders for beds. Also a collection of partially chewed rawhide bones, and mismatched gardening gloves which our new dog randomly buried. Obviously thought if Mom can dig and bury things - why can't she do so as well! . . . Jill

A can full of pennies from the 1940s . . . Linda

Fund raising candy bars were snatched by our dog Ellie. She buried over 9 candy bars throughout the backyard - all with the wrappers still intact . . . Willie

Picture it - 2001, George the Fifth, the Georgettes, Woofie-gard-n-dog, and me -- happily mucking in the dirt, the Georgettes spy something bright and shinny -- they scratch -- I dig, Woofie digs, George flaps enthusiastically - it got bigger, shinier; bigger, shinier; soooo big it was huge, it was the bumper from an 18 wheeler -- in the herb garden . . . Joan

Preparing for spring -- with a pitchfork -- armed for battle -- tilling all the gopher mole tunnels (thought I would end up at Sheryls). I finally found the destructive rodent that I had named Bin -- and annihilated him . . . Pat

When I was a small child, I can remember vividly digging in the garden space that was allotted to me. One day I was digging a big hole to plant something, and it was soooo deep that I imagined that I was digging down to Australia. Not five minutes later I dug up a small charm -- it was an Australian map charm! It was such an impact as a child and I often think about it now (some forty years later) when I'm digging a deep hole in my garden

. . . Sue

I unearthed a fragment of china from a lovely Victorian teacup. I paused and wondered -- was I doing gardening or archaeology or both? . . . Cathy

My mothers wedding ring . . . Elaine

My sanity! I have a very hectic job and I find that my gardening time brings me back to a calmer, more relaxed state. I wouldn't trade my time with nature for a spa any day.

. . . Shannon

Marbles, 131 years of lost marbles. All colourful like the flowers and saved in an old canning jar, one or two a year . . . Dan

When I was digging in the slope behind our garage (where I'm planning to do terraces for rhododendrons) I found a multitude of things, among them: parts of bicycles and lawn-mowers, a bucket of tar, whole (!) clay pots, odd shoes, a mug, a silver spoon, an old washing mashine... When the excavating starts again this year I expect to find a lot more!

. . . Anna

Found an entire 11 man team from a table-top soccer game buried up to their knees in a pot in a dark corner of the garden. Punishment for losing too many games or unwilling participants in a bizarre experiment? . . . Nick

Found fragments of the family china and a lovely lady's brooch in a 150-year-old boxwood parterre of a historic house -- Like a trip back in time! . . . Susan

I find golf balls everywhere I dig -- the price I pay for raising a pre-teen golf fanatic

. . . Susan

Once when I was digging a new vegetable bed I found a lawn chair and about ten beer bottles buried under the ground . . . Christine

When we first moved in and started tilling the untouched soil here, I found a stirrup and what appeared to be a large knee joint. We quickly quit digging for fear of finding the rest of the horse, or the rider . . . And, since the house's previous owners hung out with motorcycle gangs, the fear of digging deeper was a REAL one . . . Auntie Canuck

A friend of mine had just bought a house and we were poking about the backyard and I found . . . a driveway . . . Jenn

A barbie arm reaching out of the soil, used as a plant protector for years after the original sighting 'til perhaps a dog ran off with it . . . Kitty

In a remote corner of the garden bed I found a pair of pantyhose. Makes me wonder about the previous owners and their Soiled Reputations . . . Bev

The skull of a horse. Never found the rest of the body so I often wondered if the Godfather was around . . . Patricia

I found an old stove that someone had buried and used to landfill. We lived on the lake and I guess the previous owners were trying to level their land. We decided we didn't want it that level! . . . Pat

Once while gardening I found an old sneaker. It looked like it had been there for quite a while. I also found a shot glass . . . Cristina

Found a beautiful salamander . . . waited 5 minutes for it to move before realizing it was plastic. also found a pair of my sisters undies . . . John

While roto tilling the garden, found an O-l-d, very old lady's garter, just a single garter from a garter belt. After rubbing the dirt off, it was rusty silvertone, with the rubber now a dingy, dirty white. It was at least 50 years old. It made us wonder how in the world this came to be in our garden spot. What was the lady like who wore it? Was this from her "Sunday-go-to-meeting" clothes, or from a frisky, fun loving lady who loved to kick up her heels? It was fun to take a step back in time, wondering about the person we never met. Letting our minds wander about her -- was she married -- any children -- did she dance -- was she a prim and proper lady? All kinds of questions played in our minds that day, and opened all kinds of dialogue . . . over something so simple and plain. But we had such fun! . . . Darleene

A cable snatch: a steel rope, mesh sleeve thingy for pulling power, phone, etc. cables in-line and rigging them to poles . . . David

The skeleton of a dog with a cat's skull in its jaws, and a mouse's skeleton in the cat's jaw. Guess they played a deadly game of "menage a trois", but we don't know what killed the dog. My son took several parts to his class's "show and tell" day, and managed to make a couple of his classmates woof their cookies. Needless to say, we were a hit with the kids, but not with the custodian . . . Ellen

I found turquoise, crystals, red and amber jasper, petrified rocks, iron ore . . . the old owner did lapidary and had a pile of rocks he wanted to cut and polish behind the garage . . . got a lot of cool stuff from there! Oh, and all the lannonstone (indigenous to this area) under all this . . . Robin

The strangest thing ever found in my garden was a forgotten shovel. It had been covered by some weeds, and accidentally hit by the tiller the following year . . . Jennifer

My dad had found a just hatched, feather less raven in the mountains and my mom fed it every two hours for weeks. It eventually became a 2ft tall bird that was never caged or tethered but lived in our backyard. It thought it was family and wanted to do whatever we were doing. It would instinctively grab anything it could, fly off and bury it in various places. In the rose garden we have found Mom's sunglasses, many of dad's tools (nuts, bolts, screwdrivers, etc.), paintbrushes and garden tools . . . Lisa

Not strange, but a shocker nonetheless! In the process of digging new flower beds, I unearthed all manner of electric, cable, etc. wires. Why, oh why, in my garden when I had such visions of my dream Eden?! . . . Lalita

My children and I were doing some weeding and we located several real old fashioned slot machines with buffalo nickels still in them . . . Cheryl

My husband dumped cigarette butts along with my snuffer in the garbage to burn, unknown to me. I found it at garden digging time . . . Carol

When we moved to our present home (about 25 years ago) the yard was a mess. Every time I put the shovel in the ground I would unearth something. Glass, bottles, cans, bones, toys, tools, horseshoes. But the one time I spotted a wheel sticking out of the ground in a flower bed I was preparing. I went over to it and gave it a yank, wouldn't budge. Took the shovel and started digging around the wheel, gave it a few more yanks, still did not move. I finally called my husband, who dug for half hour or so. We both pulled and out of the earth came a kids battery operated car. The kind they can sit in a drive around. The other strange item I found, several years later and in a new flower bed was my wedding ring I had lost a couple of years before . . . Barbara

Under about a pickup truck load of weeds I found about a pickup truck load of rocks. I'm still in the process of removing the rocks . . . Maren

A schoolhouse stapler, that was a handful of rust. Cleaned it on a wire wheel, and got it to work. The problem with it was a jammed staple. Probably from the 20's . . . Frank

An entire brick patio. And underneath that a whole bunch of broken china and porcelain doll arms and legs . . . Audra

Peace and quiet, a wonderful thing for a person, who works two jobs . . . Sharon

12 years ago we moved into a new subdivision - built on old riverbed. Every yard of topsoil had to be trucked in, and to save some money we decided the first loads could be unscreened, and the more expensive screened loam would be saved for beds and top dressing.

That unscreened loam was a treasure trove of found items. The most notable was a silver whiskey flask, dented but intact, still containing the most potent home brew I have ever had the misfortune to sniff! . . . Mona

Old glass bottles from the 20's/30's - it was then that I realized my garden site used to be a dump . . . Kerah

In my fathers old garden spot was a large gem. No ring, just the stone. It's the size of a garter. Is it a real diamond, don't know . . . Linda

I live in a townhouse and had to replace some plants planted before we moved in that had died. Trashed supplies from building the townhouse were buried. Not a wonder the plants died. Not as strange as a shame for the environment . . . Marge

A ton of safety pins - the previous owner said that trees need iron too. One diamond ring (no joke) . . . Anne

A fossilized rock with an animal's (probably a lizard) skeleton, lots of fossilized sea shells (property is now nearly 3 1/2 hrs. from the ocean) and several fossilized seed pods
. . . Marlene

My favourite watch that I lost last year . . . Shirley

Most interesting find: A huge carpenter's screw clamp. The wooden handle wasn't even rotted much. A wire wheel, some oil, lots of patience, and it works just fine! Now, if I were a carpenter (and you were my lady) . . . Tom

While digging a hole to plant a Weeping Willow last year, my husband knew we would find many old bottles and shells (someone told us that that part of our property used to be a dumping ground). What we didn't expect to find was an iron headboard! We dug up as much of the headboard as we could, and then sawed off the part we couldn't (or should I say wouldn't) dig up. As our landscaping progresses, we are awaiting new and interesting discoveries! . . . Val

A carpet partly decomposed. I was pulling up carpet fibres for years after the initial find. Maybe someone wanted the lawn to look like a carpet . . . Wayne

We dug up an old bottle of sewing machine oil and a bottle that had the words vaseline and a company name on it . . . Patricia

Mine isn't what I found buried in my garden, more like what I RECEIVED. My one year old Red bone hound, Lucy- bringing up the 12th potato that I had just planted the day before! She brought the last one to my feet and dropped it, waiting for me to throw her new *ball* . . . Carrie

This is not now, it is the future. My husband gardens with surgical rubber gloves and drops them all over the garden when holed. What will the future gardener think when he keeps digging up the things? . . . Gay

Someone lost their marbles in my garden... and I found them. Must have been someone with a 13 year old daughter! . . . Nona

Favourite find: a fist sized oval rock that amazingly resembled the potatoes I was digging. Into the sack with the spuds it went, and there it remained until last week when my wife went down for potatoes . . . Tom

While creating a new garden bed I found an engine block . . . Janice

In autumn I found an egg on which was written: "EASTER MONDAY". (The neighbours had dated the eggs of their wild ducks and the marten had stolen them and lost one of them under my hedges) . . . Lucia

While digging under a very old lilac tree I found several empty bottles. They are the very old apothecary bottles. All of them at one time contained some of that old fashioned medicine that today would probably be illegal for all the opium it contained . . . Catherine

I live in a very old house that my husband and I have been "fixing up" for many years. While digging up the dirt to put in some flowers around an old shed near our home, I found an very old iron. Not an electric one, but one much older and very heavy. I guess someone in the past got real tired of ironing. I can relate to that!! . . . Vickie

I was digging in my square foot garden and discovered a brand new loaf of bread. The previous week I was unloading groceries out of the back of my car and when everything was in the house I discovered that I did not get my loaf of bread. It seems that my wonderful big dog named "Black dog" had stolen the loaf of bread and buried it for hard times . . . Debra

I bought my grandmother's house in the country in 1998. While excavating the land behind the house to start a perennial garden, my husband and I unearthed her crockery history. There were pieces of plates, cups, bottles, and odds metal objects . . . Patricia

The strangest thing my wife ever found in our garden is:- ME!!!!!! . . . Robert

I keep finding marbles (maybe the ones I've lost over the years). But the strangest thing would be the remains of the two holed biffy that was there many many years ago . . . Elaine

Our first year at our new place, we were putting in a Hosta nursery near an old coal bank and I found the remains of an old moonshine still. I still have the intact copper worm on the wall as a reminder! . . . Brenda

When making a new flower garden behind the shed at my mother and father's house, to surpass them when they returned from vacation, I unearthed a small box -- lo and behold it was a pet mouse I had buried there when I was a child. Very well preserved . . . Ruth

While transplanting a larch tree along our river in the backyard, I came across a very old cod liver oil bottle, 2 feet underground, cap intact. Probably left by someone camping from an earlier day . . . Karen

Shards of Victorian inkwells. We live in an old stone schoolhouse . . . Pat

Dead Bodies . . . Argh

While digging new garden beds on my old schoolhouse property I unearthed children's rings, inkwells, pieces of rubber balls and metal object . . . but no money! . . . Judy

I have found a set of wheels for a Volkswagen and a garden roller in a compost heap . . . Judith

A horseshoe . . . Devon

As a child I attempted to dig to China with a trusty dinner spoon. It only took me 52 years to get there. I taught English in China in 1999! . . . Beth

A few summers ago, on a hot summer morning, there I was sweaty, on hands and knees, back aching, trying to whip my garden into shape. When my gentle hoeing produced a clunk, I dug out the offender. Not a bone, not a stone or rock, but it looked like a relic from bygone days. Obviously, it had once held a wooden handle, and that was no longer there. What kind of implement was it? I asked my know-it-all husband, who had farming in his boyhood background, but he offered only a few guesses and no concrete name for my mystery whatzit. It even travelled with me to the local historical or is is hysterical club for advice. No luck. Some day, I hope to put a name on my whatzit. . . . Liz

When I began my organic garden near the back of the property there were lots of rocks - which is not unusual -but over time I came to really hate the sound (not to mention feel the back wrenching impact) of my spade hitting rock whenever I turned new soil to enlarge the planted area.

I was quite proud of the amount of rocks including two "boulders" I dug out and managed to roll to the corners of my front lawn where I left them as ornaments because they were testimony to the hard work I had done. My wife always wanted a pool but I convinced her the upkeep was too much effort and we joined the local community facility instead. In exchange for the concession I agreed to build her a nice flower garden in the lawn space closest to the house with a gazebo she could use for tea or entertaining her lady friends. When I began working that ground I found what I thought was a blob of left over buried concrete. My spade scraped and scraped as I worked hard to dig all the way around this third (man-made) boulder of sorts. Three weekends later I finally did. Two MONTHS later I shovelled out the last of the fill dirt the previous owners used to hide the built-in concrete swimming pool!

Needless to say we fixed the cracked bottom and drain, re-tiled the sides and filled the refurbished pool. My wife loves it and often needles me because I "found a way to get out of building her that Gazebo and rose garden I promised"... as if it was LESS work than moving all that earth! My garden beds now all have raised beds for obvious reasons . . . Lazlo

What have you found buried in your garden ?