Y'ALL IS A CONTRACTION AIN'T IT ?

We Rednecks are Just Like You,
Only Better Lookin' ( at least
George Strait is ! )

There's something contagious about a Southern accent. When I first came to Chicago I was asked repeatedly to "say something. " " What do y'all want me to say ? " drew a lot of laughter.

I got a lot of comments when I did a post on humorous country music titles, which I like to collect , and requests for more.

Here 'tis :

She Feels Like a New Man Tonight.
I've Got Four on The Floor and A Fifth Under the Seat.
I'm Just a Bug on the Windshield of Life.
I'm Getting Gray from Being Blue.
Once I thought I was Wrong but I was Mistaken.
If Whiskey Were a Woman I'd be Married for Sure.
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too ?
If You Can't Feel It, It Ain't There.
It Takes Me All Night Long to Do What I Used To Do All Night Long.
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink and I Don't Love Jesus.
Please Bypass This Heart.
She Got the Gold Mine and I Got the Shaft.
You're Not Much Fun Since I Stopped Drinkin'.
Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial.
Messed up in Mexico , Living on Refried Dreams.
If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It.
Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You.

And one that my sis and I used to sing together : " I Was Looking Back to See If you Were Looking back To See If I was Looking Back To See If You Were Looking Back At Me..... " Actually recorded by none other than Perry Como.

All I can say is that we're a " real mess " aren't we ? Send me your funniest country song titles.

MORE REDNECK HUMOR

Rednecks have a lot of time on their hands and so they tend to get very creative with language. Here's a sampling of actual country song titles :

What Part of No Don't You Understand ?
Here's A Quarter, call Someone Who Cares
How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33 ?
I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It
If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against
me ?
I still miss you, Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better
I've Got Tears in My Eyes From Lying On My Back In Bed While Crying Over you
If Love Were Oil I'd Be A Quart Low
If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
All My Ex's Live in Texas That's Why I Hang My Hat in Tennessee
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger
If You Don't Leave Me Alone I'll Find Someone Who Will
The Last Word in Lonesome is Me
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
What Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made a Loser Out of Me
Jose Cuervo He is A Friend of Mine
You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith, Too
You're Ruining My Bad Reputation
I Got in At 2 With A 10 and Woke Up at 10 With A 2
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

And my personal favorite : You're The Reason Our Kids are so Ugly !

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK GARDENER WHEN .....

POP QUIZ : Is this a Redneck or
Windy City Gardener ?

I swear my people are the only ones left that can laugh at themselves, or allow others to . Here's a sampling I found on the Garden Web titled You Know You're a Redneck Gardener when .....

You edge your flower bed with beer bottles.
You put a lot of artificial flowers in your flower bed.
You paint a sunflower on your giant satellite dish.
Your Christmas lights are up year round.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
Plant shrubs where your dog's already done the digging .
Have a plywood cutout of a fat lady in bloomers bending over your flower bed.
Have a Mr. and Mrs. Goose that has their own wardrobe that changes with the season.
You compost disposable diapers.

So I'm responding with : You know you're a Windy City gardener if :

You've got more than one Huge Colorado Spruce in your yard

You go dumpster-diving for flowers outside the garden center
Your evergreen shrubs look like green bubble gum
You have curtains hanging on your front porch
You have artificial flowers in your hanging baskets
You think a political sign is yard art
You keep your Christmas decorations up until June
Your idea of gardening is a yard full of flower cut-outs
You use white marble chips as mulch
You use red bark as mulch
You use Red Lava rocks as mulch
You have a chainlink fence around your yard with Morning Glory Vines



And they think Rednecks are funny. From now on I'm going to insist on being called an Appalachian-American. A Rose by any other name would smell as sweet. You bet'cha !

P.S. That might look like a Redneck garden, but it's actually in Chicago.